"A Year in Thailand" A Year of Close Calls and Near Misses

First of all I feel it necessary to offer a significant disclaimer for the following information I'm about to share. As I summarized these events for myself a few days ago, I started thinking, "wow, this sounds like you're a pretty bad driver." SO, I must confess that a few of these experiences have come as a direct result of poor judgement on my behalf, but the vast majority have come directly from the environment in which we live. So, with that said. Enjoy.

First of all, when you think of police officers in America, there is generally a feeling of fear and respect, right? Primarily fear. In Thailand when you see a police officer, there is generally a feeling of "oh boy, what's this guy gonna try to get me for now?" The Thai police are a low paid group of guys and there are tons of places where they will set up a roadblock with 5-15 guys and "find" reasons for pulling you over. Especially a white guy. Here are a few of my personal encounters.
#1--Two days after I got our car I was driving through an unfamiliar part of the city. A light turned from green to orange and I didn't stop. Maybe I could have, maybe not. We'll never know. The cop standing in the street on the other side of the red light (previously unseen by me) thought I could have stopped. He literally jumped in front of my car and pulled me over. That's the way they do it here, jump in front of your car. Even on the highway.
SO, with him I just talked really fast in English explaining I couldn't stop in time, etc. He didn't have a clue what I was saying so he just said "Warning, Go!" I left, no ticket.
#2 Driving home from Surin one weekend a guy claimed I was driving 105 in 90 zone. They usually don't have radars here so I don't know how he knew how fast I was going. Again, I used the talk fast in English and smile method. He let me go. No ticket.
#3 While escorting my sending church pastor around town, we were stopped by a police man at a toll booth. My tags were expired but I didn't know because I couldn't read the Thai at that time. Here's the fun part. When you get pulled over in Thailand, you have two options. One: you let them take your license to the local police station and you go get it the next day and pay the full fine or you just barter with the cop over the price. Again, this is universally practiced by all people in Thailand. SO, I fished up what money I had and said "is this okay?" He shoved it in his pocket without looking and said "YES." He returned my license and I left having paid him roughly $6.
#4 This one is a favorite. A couple of "yayhoos" pretending to be stopping people for legitimate reasons were in the middle of nowhere on our way to Surin. I came around a corner and they again jumped in front of my car. They said I was going fast in a "sharp curve." These guys were just after money and I wasn't going fast. All he could say was "sharp curve." I was a little amused so I played the "I don't speak much Thai" game with him until he said "okay, go ahead and leave." No ticket.
#5 We were going to a school for a Christmas program that we were doing when I ran into one of the big groups of about 15 cops stopping everybody. They said something about having to wear a seatbelt in the passenger seat on the expressway. I hadn't been on the expressway but they didn't care. At that point, I didn't either and the cop was really nice. I have him about $5 and let us go.
#6 Yes, #6. Going to the border to visit Courtney's sister we ran into a couple guys who said I had driven too long in the wrong lane. I was supposed to "drive in the other lane." Again, this guy was nice and he didn't buy the "I don't speak much Thai" bit. He got $6 dollars from me.
#7 This one is good too. Probably my personal favorite but it's a sore spot for Courtney.
I have a tradition. For every one of my four children, I have taken them to McDonald's the moment they left the hospital after being born. Lindsey was in Blue Springs, MO, Erica and Trevor in Lawerence, KS and Tyler in Bangkok. The only problem is that there are only a couple McDonald's with drive throughs in Bangkok. So, I just pulled up to the one near our house on a busy street, left Courtney in the front seat with the newborn and ran inside. While I'm in line ordering Courtney called me. She was crying. A police man had pulled up behind me, pecked on her window and told her she can't park there. She was in the midst of post-delivery hormonal psychosis as it was and this sent her over the top. She wasn't very happy with me and she didn't care much for my extremely important tradition.
Here's the good part. The cop is now standing around on this busy sidewalk waiting for me to come and give me a ticket. I walked out of McDonald's and blended into the crowd. He was probably 15 feet behind my car talking to a street vendor. At the last possible second, I jumped out of the crowd, ran around and jumped in my car and drove away.
He didn't follow me. No ticket.
Grand Total Year #1: 7 times pulled over. 3 tickets paid for a combined total of roughly $15.
Not bad for a rookie. There have been probably 6-8 other traffic checks where I wasn't stopped. All in all, you never really get used to a cop jumping in front of your car to make you stop. They don't have patrol cars here so I guess their bodies are the next best thing.